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The Need For Control Explored

There are many reasons, beliefs and emotions that can lead us to hold on tight and feel the need to control others, situations, circumstances, money, communications, food, workflow, details, our environment and other areas of our lives.

In my experience and clinic I have found that these three things are usually the internal emotions that cause us to seek control in our external world:

  • Fear – We worry that things won’t turn out, we will get hurt, bad things will happen, etc.
  • Unworthiness – We don’t feel as though we deserve support or for things to go our way.
  • Lack of trust – We are scared to let go, count on others, and to believe that things will be okay without us managing every aspect of the situation, relationship, conversation, etc.

There is a huge negative impact on being controlling. It not only affects us but also everyone around us. Here are some of the biggest emotional costs:

  • Happiness
  • Peace
  • Freedom
  • Energy
  • Creativity
  • Support
  • Ease
  • Connection
  • Love

There are many things that we can do to let go of control. With compassion for ourselves, it is important to remember that this is a process and something that may not come all that easy. Many of us have trained our brains to be controlling. Often being controlling has seemed necessary for our own survival and the survival of those around us, if we do not control this then bad things will happen!

Here are some things you can do to help let go of the control in your life:

1) Be honest with yourself. Make a factual assessment about how controlling you are. The amount of control will vary greatly on what is going on in our lives and the situation we are in. Start to understand where, how and why you hold on tight to control in whatever way you do. Also here we need to start to look at what the impact your control has on the situation and those around you. Look at what your internal emotion is that is holding on to the control on the outside, is it fear, self-worth or trust?

2) Are you willing to let go of control? This is an important question to ask yourself to take the first step towards letting go of the control. In some areas of your life the answer to this maybe “NO”. And this is okay, as some situations do require control. It is in these situations that you can look at how you can change your perception of this control into something that is less stressful and address those underlying emotions.

3) Consider who could support you. Getting support from people around you is an important step here. It is difficult to let go of control without the support of other people. The irony of asking for help is that many of us don’t feel comfortable doing so and fear it makes us seem weak or needy, and on the flip side most of us love to be asked for help and really enjoy helping others. Remembering that you are only requesting for help not demanding the help!

4) Accept. This is the bottom line of letting go. Accepting “It is what it is” does not mean giving up or not caring, it means trusting and allowing things to be taken care of by others, by the process, by the Universe or your spiritual connection with God. Accepting is about consciously choosing to trust and have faith. This can have a profound effect and is all about us choosing to let go.

Letting go of control is about loosening our grip on life and those around us, allowing ourselves to be supported and trusting that things will turn out as they are meant to.

This is not always easy? Although if you make the choice it can be. With practice our ability to let go and release it will allow us to feel more peace and calm within us.

This has been an excerpt from my “Ignite Your Possibilities” eCourse, Fantasy vs Reality section. For more information on this please click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

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